Gone
by CrimsonDeath413
Summary: "Foolish. I was so foolish to think that I could finally open up, finally trust somebody." Lavi leaves Allen and these are the Journal entries that Allen makes... Might be better than it sounds. Wont say who itis until the last chapter, Im talking about Allen and Lavi... ((Forgoten Disclaimer: I do not own character nor D.Gray-Man)) ((Allen is 16 in the first chapter...))
1. Taken Away

_**Journal #1**_

June 27th 1997

He's gone… He left and isn't coming back. It makes my stomach contract, knowing that the memories we once shared are just memories, now. Just memories of two friends hanging out. It makes my stomach contract and my heart hurt, knowing that it took me until he left to realize this. To realize that I can't live without him. He is more than my best friend; he is my brother, my other half… My love. The old nickname sounds cheesy now, that I think about it but I don't care. It's his nickname. It's what reminds me of him. My love… Foolish. I was so foolish to think that I could finally open up, finally trust somebody. Guess this is what happens when I finally find happiness… It's taken away…


	2. I Miss Him

_**Journal #2**_

July 28th 1997

I miss him. I miss the way he used to laugh at my stupid jokes and the smile he would give me when we saw each other in the halls. I miss the way he made me laugh and smile, the way he made me want to be near him, every second of every minute, every minute of every hour, every hour of every day, every day of every month. Forever. I miss the way his eyes would search mine when he thought I was lying, like the truth was buried deep somewhere in my eyes. I miss the way he could see through the walls I built around myself, like they were just windows. Windows that he shattered, just to get to me. The real me. And most of all, I miss his presence. The way he would just show up out of nowhere when I was sad or upset, the way he would comfort me, the way he would pet my hair absentmindedly and how he would reach out and grab my hand as we were walking down the hall to pull me along. I miss the way he trusted me and how I trusted him back. I miss him.


	3. I Love Him

_**Journal #3**_

October 11th 1997

It took me this long to figure it out… The reason why I miss him so much and why I have been feeling so empty. It took me from when he left to now to figure it out. To figure out that I… That I love him. That I love him with all of my heart and don't want to live another day without him. Of course that's impossible, though, since he left without a trace. But at least I can tell myself that someday, he will come back, although I know it's not true.


	4. Walls

_**Journal #4**_

July 7th 1998

I put the walls back up. The walls blocking my heart and feelings from the reach of others. It's been a whole year since I saw him and yet, I still love him as much as before. My days now consist of mostly, school, home sleep, repeat and I like it that way. Because I know what is going to happen next and I can prepare for the worst, although nothing can be worse than what has already happened.


	5. Scattered Ashes

_**Journal #5**_

August 17th 2016

Today's my birthday. What did I wish for with my imaginary candles sticking out of my imaginary cake? I wished for him. I wished for him to come back for at least a minute so I could tell him. Instead, I write a note and burn it. Its ashes scatter and blow in the wind, taking the note away so maybe he will receive it when it comes to him. I wish he could see me right now. I wish he could see how much I want him to come back, how much I need him to come back.


	6. Memories

_**Journal #6**_

April 18th 2051

It's been 53 years… And I still can't find him anywhere. It's like he disappeared completely, but not fully, because memories of him flood my mind every time I do something. Memories of him smiling and laughing and having fun. Will he ever come back?


	7. Realization

_**Journal #7**_

March 22nd 2070

It's over. Today, I passed away, alone, staring at a picture of him. The doctors say it was a heart-attack but that's not true. It was just that I realized something. I realized that he was never coming back and that I was waiting for nothing. The realization hit me and that's when it happened. When I was suddenly lying on the floor, dead, cold… Lonely. It's over and yet… I still love him and I never got to tell him that… And I'm guessing I never will…

My name is Allen Walker and I died at age 88 without telling Lavi Bookman that I love him. And now, I will never get to.

_**A/N: This is it… Hope you enjoyed! I love hearing from you guys, just so you know! Have a nice day and or night, kind sir and or madam!**_

_**Goodbye, my minions~!**_


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